HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I first saw this prayer years ago for Rosh Hashanah. It's still appropriate now!

"A Jewish Prayer for the New Year
Dear Lord:

May we get a clean bill of health from our dentist, our psychiatrist, our ophthalmologist, our cardiologist, our gastroenterologist, our urologist, our proctologist, our gynecologist, our podiatrist, our plumber and the IRS.

May our hair, our teeth, our facelift, our abs, our honey cakes, and our stocks not fall and may our blood pressure, our triglycerides, our cholesterol, our white blood count, our weight and our mortgage interest rates not rise.

May we find a way to travel from anywhere to anywhere in the rush hour in less than an hour and when we get there, may we find a parking space.May we all relax about the third millennium of the common era, and realize that we still have 239 years until the down of the sixth millennium of the Hebrew calendar by which time the computer will be long since obsolete and so will we.

May G-d give us the strength to get through this presidential campaign and may some of the promises made be kept. May we believe at least half of what the candidates propose and may those elected fulfill at least half of what they promise and may the miracle of reducing taxes and balancing budgets come to pass.

May we be awestruck by God's sense of humor as we realize that a professional wrestler could have become president of the United States and that an Orthodox Jew has risen to prominence in American politics while remaining true to his Jewish roots. It is my belief that God's joyous humor is the reason he really does not want us to touch our toes while exercising or he would have put them further up our bodies; and, the reason so many of us take up jogging is to hear heavy breathing again.

May what we see in the mirror delight us and what others see in us, delight them. May someone, as well as God, love us enough to forgive our faults, be blind to our blemishes and tell the world about our virtues.

May the telemarketers wait until after we finish dinner to call us. May our checkbooks and budgets balance and may they include generous amounts for charity.

May we remember to say "I love you" at least once a day to our spouse, our child, our parent, all of our significant others but not our boss, our intern, our nurse, our masseur, our hairdresser or our tennis instructor.

And may the Messiah come this year, and if he does not, may we live as if he has, in a world at peace, with awareness of God's love in every sunset, flower, baby's smile, lover's kiss, and every wonderful astonishing beat of our heart. May we smile and laugh throughout the year."