Dealing With Unwanted Remarks About Long COVID & Other Diseases

Some people can be extremely tactless and inconsiderate. To "How are you today?" I'd always reply  "Fine" because it was less stressful for me not to have to explain myself to healthy people.  Because of them, I learned the art of lying about my own chronic health problems and countering their questions, unsolicited advice, or assertions with humor. 

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By Ludmila Praslova at From Fast Company 12/17/24:

5 things not to say to a coworker with long COVID-19

These myths about long-haulers can lead us to make blunders. Here’s what you need to know to be more empathetic to those dealing with the illness—or other chronic health conditions.

“Nobody ccoan be dizzy for two years.”

"With long COVID, many are.

“Oh, come on. Adults don’t need naps.”

"With long COVID, many do. And some need a lot more rest than they did before.

“It’s all in your head. A bit of walking can’t do you harm.”

"But with long COVID, it can.

“So, are you better yet?”

"Please, just don’t.

"Long COVID is a full-person syndrome that may lead to complex long-term effects that can last for years, impacting individuals’ daily lives. Research identifies four types of long COVID based on symptoms that tend to cluster together. Type 1 can particularly affect the heart, kidneys, and the circulatory system. Type 2 can involve lung problems, sleep disorders, and anxiety. Dominant symptoms of the Type 3 are muscle and connective tissue conditions, along with nervous system disorders. Finally, people with Type 4 tend to experience digestive and respiratory problems. However, many cases defy these patterns and produce a blend of struggles unique to the individual.  

"While the physical and psychological symptoms can be brutally debilitating, one of the hardest things about dealing with long COVID—including in the workplace—is the lack of understanding and compassion. Instead of much-needed empathy, long-haulers end up having to deal with the sting of skepticism,  misunderstanding, and unintentional or even intentional cruelty from others. Even well-intended comments and advice can hurt when they do not consider the nature of Long COVID and the perspective of those dealing with it.

"Here’s some practical advice on how to be a good coworker to someone with long COVID—starting with what not to say. These statements, even if meant as neutral or encouraging, are likely to hurt.

1. ‘But you seemed fine yesterday.’

"This phrase reflects a classic misunderstanding of what it means to experience a dynamic disability. Long COVID doesn’t play by the rules of predictability; it often manifests as episodes and flare-ups. One day, a person might be able to work almost like they used to, only to be unable to get out of bed for the next week. The fluctuations can be frustrating and confusing. And if you are frustrated and confused as an observer, imagine just how much more frustrating it is for the person whose body no longer makes sense to them.  

"Having to constantly prove their illness makes the experience even worse. Imagine having to constantly present proof that you really, honestly need eyeglasses, or perhaps shoes that are the right size. To signal openness to a conversation without judgment, it might be best to just make it clear that the answer to your “How are you feeling today?” does not have to be “Fine.”

2. ‘You just need to exercise.’

"It sounds like advice rooted in concern. Exercise is good for everyone, right? But for many with long COVID, this suggestion can feel like a dismissal of the reality that, for them, exercise is a potential trigger for flare-ups.

"One of the most common and cruel long COVID symptoms is post-exertional malaise (PEM), a worsening of symptoms following physical or mental exertion. And even after two years, fatigue is the most prevalent symptom. Telling someone to “just exercise” overlooks the fact that many people with long COVID may long to exercise, but cannot—and this can exacerbate the emotional toll and grief many experience. 

"What most people with long COVID need isn’t a push to exercise; it’s permission to rest without judgment. It’s understanding that their bodies don’t respond to exertion the way they used to.

3. ‘It’s probably just stress.’

"Stress is the cultural catch-all scapegoat. Feeling tired? Must be stress. Can’t concentrate? Probably stress. But attributing the symptoms of long COVID to stress alone dismisses the complex physiological impact of the virus. Long COVID is a multi-system condition with well-documented neurological, cardiovascular, immunological, and other effects. The very cells of our bodies no longer work as they used to.

"Reducing it to “just stress” ignores the genuine, measurable infection-linked changes happening in the body. It may also be interpreted as shifting the blame to the individual for not handling stress better rather than recognizing the real medical condition they are dealing with. Visible or not, the long COVID injury to the body is real, and so are the consequences of ignoring that injury. Instead of offering platitudes (which often involve the minimizing word “just”), recognize that being present with a listening ear and empathy can be more helpful than offering unsolicited input.

4. ‘You’re probably just tired. We’re all tired.’

"This may be intended as a statement communicating understanding, yet it can come across as insensitive and dismissive. Fatigue is a common symptom of long COVID, but it’s not just about feeling tired. It’s a bone-deep exhaustion that doesn’t go away with rest and often severely impacts daily functioning. Comparing this to everyday tiredness is like comparing getting a bruise to being in a life-altering accident; it diminishes the debilitating nature of chronic fatigue often associated with long COVID.

5. ‘At least you don’t have to commute every day/get more flexibility than I do/don’t have to do X anymore.’

"Framing accommodations as a “silver lining” trivializes challenges. Most people with long Covid would much prefer being able to work or commute without restrictions.

"People rarely like to acknowledge the envy over the accommodations—perceived as “perks” or “luxuries”—that the person with a chronic illness may receive. But check in with yourself: Is this your envy talking? If you find yourself feeling envious of someone with chronic illness, it could be a signal that you need to take better care of yourself, or perhaps that everyone at work could benefit from more flexibility. Instead of begrudging accommodations, advocate for a flexible and supportive work environment for all—and perhaps for more staffing if everyone had been stretched thin for a long time. (My book, The Canary Code: A Guide to Neurodiversity, Dignity, and Intersectional Belonging at Work, provides many suggestions for improving workplaces in ways that help include those who are most vulnerable and benefit everyone.)

How to Be an Ally: Working Through Your Emotions and Embracing Compassion

"Let’s be honest: Learning that a coworker has a chronic illness, such as long COVID, can evoke a range of uncomfortable emotions, from sadness to fear, frustration, pity, or helplessness. It can also evoke a profound sense of life’s unfairness. It’s not a pleasant thought that a virus anyone can catch might alter your life even if you “exercise and eat right.” It is painful to lose faith in this cultural mantra of control. It hurts when our belief in a just world—where people get what they deserve and deserve what they get—is challenged.

"The disquieting emotions are natural, but they are yours to manage and not your coworker’s responsibility. Do not suppress them. They will only bubble up at the worst moment, like when a major project is due. Work through these feelings constructively, seeking emotional or spiritual help if needed. Reflect on your beliefs and consider whether they serve you well in dealing with reality. Accepting that life isn’t always fair doesn’t mean giving up hope—it means making room for more patience and compassion."